Terrible

Running horribly. Playing badly. Very, very, very frustrating. About to lose the star in sharkscope. Dropping down.

I've lost about $60, which if you're counting, is like 11 $5.50 SNGs. I have not cashed in the last about seven or eight of them. This SUUUCKS.

Luck is turning against me

It's not actually true - I've still been getting lucky and having good hands hold. It just seems that way because the last few SNGs have not gone so great. I had a second, and third, and the rest were losses. Losing flips, really. The last one I bubbled hurt. I came back from the low stack and fought, fought, and fought, while the chipleaders were feeding the other low stack, finally to wake up with a real hand at 150/300 (with about a 2k stack), 88, shove UTG, and get called by KQ, and then lose. I don't think I can effectively raise in that spot without committing myself, so all in I think is the right play. Maybe, call pre then shove anything? Like the shove better.

Sufferred a horrible beat in my quest to make the 1 a day freeroll. Knew I wasn't going to have a ton of time to play at night, so I played CAP NLHE cash in the morning. It was happy hour and made like 3 points. Only to find out that the happy hour points don't count, and I was credited .95 points, which is .05 off what I needed to qualify. Fuuuuuuuuuck.

Finally flopped a set...

Full Tilt Poker Game #9609755399: $5 + $0.50 Sit & Go (73269411), Table 1 - 60/120 - No Limit Hold'em - 11:24:36 ET - 2008/12/21
Seat 1: jwraimee (4,459)
Seat 2: buddhasisters (2,641)
Seat 4: pochofer (2,175)
Seat 8: sickballer_3 (2,710)
Seat 9: actzeng (1,515)
jwraimee posts the small blind of 60
buddhasisters posts the big blind of 120
The button is in seat #9
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to actzeng [2c 2s]
pochofer folds
sickballer_3 folds
actzeng has 15 seconds left to act
actzeng raises to 360
jwraimee folds
buddhasisters raises to 600
actzeng calls 240
*** FLOP ***
[2d Tc 9h]buddhasisters bets 2,041, and is all in
actzeng calls 915, and is all in
buddhasisters shows [Kd Td]
actzeng shows [2c 2s]
Uncalled bet of 1,126 returned to buddhasisters
*** TURN *** [2d Tc 9h] [9c]
*** RIVER *** [2d Tc 9h 9c] [Ts]
buddhasisters shows a full house, Tens full of Nines
actzeng shows a full house, Twos full of Tens
buddhasisters wins the pot (3,090) with a full house, Tens full of Nines
actzeng stands up
*** SUMMARY ***Total pot 3,090 Rake 0Board: [2d Tc 9h 9c Ts]Seat 1: jwraimee (small blind) folded before the FlopSeat 2: buddhasisters (big blind) showed [Kd Td] and won (3,090) with a full house, Tens full of NinesSeat 4: pochofer didn't bet (folded)Seat 8: sickballer_3 didn't bet (folded)Seat 9: actzeng (button) showed [2c 2s] and lost with a full house, Twos full of Tens

Despite this, things have gone ok. Feel like I left money on the table, but I always do unless I win. I feel like I'm playing patiently, and making plays to give myself a chance to win. I haven't experienced a beat this sick in a while. I'm pissed.

Moving up, but not as fast as I'd like.

A couple games of grinding tonight. Finished second in both of them. One was a bad beat, and the other, I got beat badly. The difference between second and first is so great though, I always feel like I've missed out.

Again, at the risk of instigating the next downswing, it's been a good month. Sharkscope and BR are at an all time high. The $5 experiment seems to be working thus far, although I think it's due in part to the fact that I have been playing well. Doing things like flopping a set and just betting POT instead of moving all in, even though a flush draw is on the board. That, and being able to lay down marginal hands, especially early in the SNGs.

As I said, it's been a good month, although not the best. The graph is skewed because sharkscope just started covering MTTs, and I had that $92 win the other day. It, however, has the POTENTIAL to be the best month - which is all I can ask for - the opportunity to do well. Although, I was in this spot last June, and went on a wicked downswing.

I won't try to force things other than to just try to qualify for the one a day freeroll.

Poker not going great, but there are good things in life

Just losing flips, not anything really huge.

On another note - I kind of got a glimpse into what life would be like without friends and a person like my brother in my life. Kind of strange. When you're all grown and things seem to be "normal", you kind of forget what a strange and weird time growing up is. There are so many different things that you give consideration to when you're younger that just doesn't occur to you when you're older. Or is it the other way around?

Without any kind of real support system or anyone to show you a different way, you can get so lost in your own world that you can't fit in to the world around you. And that's hard enough - when you look different, sound different, your parents are different - basically, when you're different. Being an outsider is something that can consume you.

Running Well

And not running well also. I guess it's about even. The baby could not sleep without someone holding her through the night, and the wife was nice enough to let me take a nap yesterday evening, so the job was mine. I don't mind so much. At least I got in a few poker hands.

Yesterday's MTTs were kind of a debacle. I really didn't focus on them. There was that KQ hand, but there was also a hand I lost with AA vs. AK vs. TT when a T hit the flop. That would have sent me, but it was not to be. Just gotta dodge those bullets in that situation. Nothing else I could do.

I regret playing the early double. It's fun to mix it up, but when you just go completely card dead, you wonder why you put a relatively large amount of money in ($6) when you know you're negative EV.

Played three SNGs this morning, and it helped make up for the earlier losses. First game, I was the first one eliminated. I had QQ in mid pos, one or two limpers, and a big re-raiser all in out of the big blind. Generally, people holding AA or KK do not raise like this, opting more often to put in that middle-raise, where it puts the opponent to a decision push it all over the top or fold. I called, and did so correctly, as he turned over AJ. An ace on the flop sent me packing.

The next game, I nitted it up, and we were 4-5 handed for quite a long time. I hit some crucial hands at big moments - flopped a straight with rags, etc. Also won again with KQ to AK when I flopped the straight. It was a dogfight, but I ended up getting HU and getting QQ and AJ on back to back hands and took all the chips, even though I probably shouldn't have won.

The next game, I should have won, but lost. I had a spewtard on my left and we ended up getting HU. Official poker rankings is an ok guage on a player's ability, but isn't nearly as good as sharkscope with the precision. Official poker rankings had my opponent as a losing player, and, as is a pretty common trend (I'll get to this in a second), he played big and had some relatively big wins early on, and is now nitting up the $5-$10 games.

Anyways, with QT, I call a raise, and it comes down T high. I have a 2.5k chip advantage at this point. No doubt, the way we have been playing, I 100% have the best hand here. He bets the flop, leaving himself with about 3.5k, and I have to decide how much to bet.

I had check raised him several times in this exact situation about 2-3 times before (usually with top pair), but I had not pushed all in. I was confident about my hand, and confident about my read to think that this was the point I wanted to strangle him and get his frustration call. I was right. He called and flipped up KJ. Turn K, River, K. Next hand I get AK, he pushes QQ, and I miss, game over.

As I said before, a lot of the players I am now encountering, when I look them up on official poker rankings, have a very good history early on, but then just get banged on so hard that they end up dropping down to where I am. It is rare to find someone who is a winning player, according to their calculations. Although mine is modest, it is still on the winning side. I wonder if these guys get a $500 win early and then just decide that they belong in the $75 games. Then they hit a losing streak of 9 straight and it's all gone. It is interesting because OFP's first page is just the player's wins. You have to click on a tab to also display the losses. I mean, some guys have multiple, large three and sometimes four figure scores and do NOT have a profit to show for it!

I wonder if I belong in those games.

In total for the weekend, BR is up. Will consider perhaps moving to $10 games if I can run this up to $1k. That's still a long, long way away though.