Disappointing Thoughts

Well, let me start by saying that I won the case on Wednesday, but not the way I thought. When I got in, a lot of things took place that I didn't think were going to take place, and once everything got sorted out, we made the right decisions and got the victory. It wasn't as satisfying for me to do it this way, on a personal level, but getting the victory is always nice. Kind of like playing heads up for massive money, and hitting a couple two outers to win it. Kind of. Not really though. Because when I hit the 2 outer, I feel like it's owed to me for all the bad beats.

But the disappointing thoughts lately really stem from that run in the daily dollar. I reviewed the hand again and it's clear that I flat made the wrong decision. for the amount of chips it was worth, I had clearly just made a snap decision while being really tired and after having a couple cocktails. A friend was over and we agreed to split half our winnings with each other, and it's clear to me that my play probably disappointed him more than me, since he was eager to get his hands on his $5 share of the amount I actually won.

I should post the hand, although it's like if someone pissed in your coffee, recorded you drinking it, and then put the video of it on youtube. Basically, I had 500k chips at 600/1200. Reeeediculous for me call an all in on the flop - or any flop - without the absolute mutha f'n nuts.

I think to myself if I was in the main event of the WSOP (which had a smaller field size than the tourney I was in) would I make the same play? I say no. Because you actually have to physically move the chips in, which takes much more deliberate action than just button clicking.

Even if I had simply walked away from the keyboard and just played aces, I probably could have finished in the teens.

I think about the moments in retrospect all the time, but of course for whatever reason, I keep doing it when I get into the moment. Just not able to find the fold button. Something is wrong with me, I think. I get into a moment where I get impulsive and do not act totally rationally. I need to work on this.

More MTTS

My bankroll has been slowly dwindling, but mostly because of some bad luck combined with the fact that I'm playing more MTTs. I went really deep in the daily dollar on Saturday into Sunday and finished a disappointing 73rd out of over 10k participants. I was put to a decision for all my chips holding top pair top kicker with AQ on a Q high flop. I could have and ultimately should have folded it to his AA. I did not sit out and really think about it, which is my biggest problem playing online. I saw Hachem talk about a hand almost exactly like this that he laid down back in the 2005 main event. I just focused on whether he'd make that move with KQ and how many chips I would have had if I was able to hit. It was a long grind. I feel like if I do it enough, I can make it back there.

The next day, I signed up for a $2.25 MTT and also cashed finishing 40th or so out of 700 people for basically a min cash. The bustout hand was my 99 shoved into AQ and I was good until he rivered an inside straight. The Q would actually not have helped him since it would have given me a straight. So he hit a 7 outer, which was disappointing. I did not think I did anything wrong in the hand - possibly the only thing I would have done different was call and shove any flop, but there were lots of people to act behind me, that I didn't feel safe just calling his raise. It is encouraging though to see some results out of it.

I pleaded a kid out in court today for whom I had beaten all of his previous cases. I have very mixed feelings about this for a lot of reasons. One being that what started off as a really good deal turned into a meh deal, and that he will likely find a way to end up doing a sentence. The kid is personally at a pretty volatile stage in his life and I hope him the best. The other reason I feel bad about pleading him is the fact that I felt like I could beat the case, but the kid wanted it all over and done with so he could walk. But for how long is the real question?

Pats lost yesterday. Whatever. I trust Belichick, even though he's getting skewered. He's seen his defense let him down so many times. I really can't fault him for making the call, even if it turned out to be wrong.

All of these things are really tough decisions. You have to weigh unknowns, probabilities that cannot be determined with 100% certainty. I think it is always interesting to be in those types of situations, although it is not always an enviable position to be in. Ultimately, those are the things that make life interesting I think. A bit scary at times depending on what's at stake, but interesting nonetheless.

Anyways - trial Wednesday. At least I get a chance to stand up and fight. Winning (at least SOMETHING for ONCE) is always nice though.