Disappointing Thoughts

Well, let me start by saying that I won the case on Wednesday, but not the way I thought. When I got in, a lot of things took place that I didn't think were going to take place, and once everything got sorted out, we made the right decisions and got the victory. It wasn't as satisfying for me to do it this way, on a personal level, but getting the victory is always nice. Kind of like playing heads up for massive money, and hitting a couple two outers to win it. Kind of. Not really though. Because when I hit the 2 outer, I feel like it's owed to me for all the bad beats.

But the disappointing thoughts lately really stem from that run in the daily dollar. I reviewed the hand again and it's clear that I flat made the wrong decision. for the amount of chips it was worth, I had clearly just made a snap decision while being really tired and after having a couple cocktails. A friend was over and we agreed to split half our winnings with each other, and it's clear to me that my play probably disappointed him more than me, since he was eager to get his hands on his $5 share of the amount I actually won.

I should post the hand, although it's like if someone pissed in your coffee, recorded you drinking it, and then put the video of it on youtube. Basically, I had 500k chips at 600/1200. Reeeediculous for me call an all in on the flop - or any flop - without the absolute mutha f'n nuts.

I think to myself if I was in the main event of the WSOP (which had a smaller field size than the tourney I was in) would I make the same play? I say no. Because you actually have to physically move the chips in, which takes much more deliberate action than just button clicking.

Even if I had simply walked away from the keyboard and just played aces, I probably could have finished in the teens.

I think about the moments in retrospect all the time, but of course for whatever reason, I keep doing it when I get into the moment. Just not able to find the fold button. Something is wrong with me, I think. I get into a moment where I get impulsive and do not act totally rationally. I need to work on this.

More MTTS

My bankroll has been slowly dwindling, but mostly because of some bad luck combined with the fact that I'm playing more MTTs. I went really deep in the daily dollar on Saturday into Sunday and finished a disappointing 73rd out of over 10k participants. I was put to a decision for all my chips holding top pair top kicker with AQ on a Q high flop. I could have and ultimately should have folded it to his AA. I did not sit out and really think about it, which is my biggest problem playing online. I saw Hachem talk about a hand almost exactly like this that he laid down back in the 2005 main event. I just focused on whether he'd make that move with KQ and how many chips I would have had if I was able to hit. It was a long grind. I feel like if I do it enough, I can make it back there.

The next day, I signed up for a $2.25 MTT and also cashed finishing 40th or so out of 700 people for basically a min cash. The bustout hand was my 99 shoved into AQ and I was good until he rivered an inside straight. The Q would actually not have helped him since it would have given me a straight. So he hit a 7 outer, which was disappointing. I did not think I did anything wrong in the hand - possibly the only thing I would have done different was call and shove any flop, but there were lots of people to act behind me, that I didn't feel safe just calling his raise. It is encouraging though to see some results out of it.

I pleaded a kid out in court today for whom I had beaten all of his previous cases. I have very mixed feelings about this for a lot of reasons. One being that what started off as a really good deal turned into a meh deal, and that he will likely find a way to end up doing a sentence. The kid is personally at a pretty volatile stage in his life and I hope him the best. The other reason I feel bad about pleading him is the fact that I felt like I could beat the case, but the kid wanted it all over and done with so he could walk. But for how long is the real question?

Pats lost yesterday. Whatever. I trust Belichick, even though he's getting skewered. He's seen his defense let him down so many times. I really can't fault him for making the call, even if it turned out to be wrong.

All of these things are really tough decisions. You have to weigh unknowns, probabilities that cannot be determined with 100% certainty. I think it is always interesting to be in those types of situations, although it is not always an enviable position to be in. Ultimately, those are the things that make life interesting I think. A bit scary at times depending on what's at stake, but interesting nonetheless.

Anyways - trial Wednesday. At least I get a chance to stand up and fight. Winning (at least SOMETHING for ONCE) is always nice though.

Old news

So I won $90 in a $2 tourney for finishing in 5th. So ridiculously disappointing. I was in control and blew it when I couldn't lay down KK to an A high flop. No question I should have folded. Weird because I was laying hands like that down the entire way, and just fucked it up when we got to the final table - when it really matters. When moving up in the money actually means something to my bankroll. OOOOOOHHHH WELLL, right? Since I make it to final tables all the time, then no regrets!!! Get 'em next time! (SARCASM)

So I decided to try and see if I could run the money up. WTF, right? At the stakes I play, I'm sitting on a pile of dough. My recent cashout made almost no difference in my bankroll compared to the stakes I play. So I played a $5, lost. A $10, lost, and a $30 HU game and lost when I was all in pre-flop with a hand that was dominated. Oh well.

Been reading Dan Brown's new book lately, so I haven't been playing a lot of poker. Brown's books are always very fast paced, interesting, and easy to sink into. It's a mix of real science and a frantic, significant, fictional story. Funny that during the most suspenseful parts - much like a person shielding their eyes from a horror movie - I find myself reading over the words faster just to get the gist of it. I don't think any of his books will be as good as Da Vinci Code, only because of its subject matter, but this one's REALLY good so far, and I'm about half way through it. I find it interesting that the subject matter of this book is an extension of the the most interesting non-Holy Grail topic of Da Vinci Code.

Reading his books always makes me wonder about how great pieces of artwork from the past "become" great works. A painting, is a painting, right? Paint on canvas. But we give it significance. It's one thing to say that a picture "looks" good. We have photos now that are everywhere that almost universally, people can look at a picture and say it "looks" good. But the truly great pieces of art are held in such reverence, and why? I can't figure it out. I just chalk it up to the fact that I don't know enough about the subject matter, which is probably true to a certain extent.

Shakespeare, Mozart, Da Vinci - we have held on to these works, and hold their works in the highest esteem. Dan Brown would suggest we do this for a reason other than that it "looks good". Anyways, some meta-relfection here - How will the future look at Dan Brown's books?

Obviously, it's not a historical document. It's basically fiction. Will history pass it off as a sign of the times? Or is his work something that will endure, and if it does, for what reason? His books are enormously popular, but popularity does not necessarily mean they will be timeless.

Anyways, I enjoy them.

Nice way to top off the Sunday

Full Tilt Poker Game #15279927255: Daily Dollar (110926523), Table 380 - 300/600 Ante 75 - No Limit Hold'em - 23:03:06 ET - 2009/10/11Seat 1: ander-vichiato (10,447)Seat 2: actzeng (7,320)Seat 3: 2 Hot Coconuts (74,627)Seat 4: BAD BOY BYFIELD (9,270)Seat 5: Byawer (20,776)Seat 6: nzvamp1 (2,640)Seat 7: alfredohys (22,525)Seat 8: okayme2 (11,647)Seat 9: Jassio (42,092)ander-vichiato antes 75actzeng antes 752 Hot Coconuts antes 75BAD BOY BYFIELD antes 75Byawer antes 75nzvamp1 antes 75alfredohys antes 75okayme2 antes 75Jassio antes 75Byawer posts the small blind of 300nzvamp1 posts the big blind of 600The button is in seat #4*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to actzeng [Ah Ad]alfredohys foldsokayme2 raises to 5,400Jassio foldsander-vichiato foldsactzeng raises to 7,245, and is all in2 Hot Coconuts foldsBAD BOY BYFIELD foldsByawer foldsnzvamp1 calls 1,965, and is all inokayme2 calls 1,845actzeng shows [Ah Ad]nzvamp1 shows [Qc Td]okayme2 shows [9h 9c]*** FLOP *** [9s Jc Kd]*** TURN *** [9s Jc Kd] [6c]*** RIVER *** [9s Jc Kd 6c] [8h]actzeng shows a pair of Acesokayme2 shows three of a kind, Ninesokayme2 wins the side pot (9,360) with three of a kind, Ninesnzvamp1 shows a straight, King highnzvamp1 wins the main pot (8,670) with a straight, King high*** SUMMARY ***

Again - No Reaction

Full Tilt Poker Game #15276525872: $2 + $0.25 Sit & Go (112017619), Table 1 - 20/40 - No Limit Hold'em - 20:10:20 ET - 2009/10/11Seat 1: ufajr (1,485)Seat 2: Goldengirl434 (1,455)Seat 3: arnoldstarnold (1,545)Seat 4: actzeng (1,545)Seat 5: tha milkman (2,430)Seat 6: Leo Fitzgerald (1,470)Seat 7: abwil2 (1,455)Seat 8: vexem (985)Seat 9: prettypokerbabe (1,130)prettypokerbabe posts the small blind of 20ufajr posts the big blind of 40The button is in seat #8*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to actzeng [Ac Ad]Goldengirl434 foldsarnoldstarnold foldsactzeng raises to 120tha milkman foldsLeo Fitzgerald foldsabwil2 foldsvexem foldsprettypokerbabe calls 100ufajr folds*** FLOP *** [2s Td 8s]prettypokerbabe bets 160actzeng has 15 seconds left to actactzeng raises to 400prettypokerbabe raises to 1,010, and is all inactzeng calls 610prettypokerbabe shows [Th Qs]actzeng shows [Ac Ad]*** TURN *** [2s Td 8s] [Ts]*** RIVER *** [2s Td 8s Ts] [4c]prettypokerbabe shows three of a kind, Tensactzeng shows two pair, Aces and Tensprettypokerbabe wins the pot (2,300) with three of a kind, Tens

I didn't even flinch

Full Tilt Poker Game #15264983192: $2 + $0.25 Sit & Go (111937901), Table 1 - 20/40 - No Limit Hold'em - 10:11:27 ET - 2009/10/11Seat 1: maydiego (1,910)Seat 2: Mr K Mo (855)Seat 3: tyboter (1,455)Seat 4: palychkazan (1,470)Seat 5: n33lix69 (1,455)Seat 6: ShortNails (1,335)Seat 7: actzeng (1,455)Seat 8: justJB (2,065)Seat 9: Malefoy (1,500)maydiego posts the small blind of 20Mr K Mo posts the big blind of 40The button is in seat #9
*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to actzeng [As Ad]tyboter has 15 seconds left to acttyboter foldspalychkazan foldsn33lix69 foldsShortNails foldsactzeng raises to 120justJB foldsMalefoy foldsmaydiego foldsMr K Mo calls 80
*** FLOP *** [6s Qs 3h]
Mr K Mo has 15 seconds left to act
Mr K Mo bets 260
actzeng raises to 1,335, and is all in
Mr K Mo calls 475, and is all in
ShortNails has been disconnected
actzeng shows [As Ad]
Mr K Mo shows [Qh Kd]
Uncalled bet of 600 returned to actzeng
*** TURN *** [6s Qs 3h] [Tc]
*** RIVER *** [6s Qs 3h Tc] [Kh]
actzeng shows a pair of Aces
Mr K Mo shows two pair, Kings and QueensMr K Mo wins the pot (1,730) with two pair, Kings and Queens

Things have been going badly. They were going well, and then I took a shot at a $5 and bubbled, and took a shot at a $10 and bubbled. Both bustouts were just brutal. I haven't cashed since then. Bubble bubble bubble.

NO....YES....NOOOOOO!!!!!

Full Tilt Poker Game #15234794104: $5 + $0.50 Sit & Go (111714859), Table 1 - 80/160 - No Limit Hold'em - 22:18:05 ET - 2009/10/09Seat 2: iubaman (2,290)Seat 3: actzeng (1,365)Seat 4: Pokerfinestcom (4,165)Seat 9: mscfreak (5,680)iubaman posts the small blind of 80actzeng posts the big blind of 160The button is in seat #9*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to actzeng [Kc As]Pokerfinestcom calls 160mscfreak raises to 720iubaman foldsactzeng raises to 1,365, and is all inPokerfinestcom foldsmscfreak calls 645actzeng shows [Kc As]mscfreak shows [9c Ac]*** FLOP *** [2c 2h 9s]*** TURN *** [2c 2h 9s] [Kd]*** RIVER *** [2c 2h 9s Kd] [9d]actzeng shows two pair, Kings and Ninesmscfreak shows a full house, Nines full of Twosmscfreak wins the pot (2,970) with a full house, Nines full of Twos